Dear journal,
Today something happened. It was fortunate that I am living right now. I got in a car accident and I thought I would die. My whole life flashed before my eyes. Then I thought to myself, if I were to die right now, would I really be proud of who I am?
The question hit me fast, almost like a parallel to the other car. I prayed to God I wouldn't die. I don't think I have done everything there is. I do not think it is my time. An angel's hand guided me through this journey and I felt an aura of safeness.
It was truly a miracle that I am living right now. The doctor's all said I am one of those rare cases you don't see often. But when you do, they know something is good. There must be some things right in this world.
The doctors told me that if I was saved in that car crash, that I must have a purpose. There must be a reason I was saved. I am a believer that everything happens for a reason, and this my friend, is definitely something to speculate.
The more I thought about my question, am I proud of who I am, the more my past was highlighted. Instead of all the good things in my life, the bad stuck out. Which annoyed me because I'd like to think that I am more good than bad.
I did survive that. I am a survivor and now I need to make a new future. I have made mistakes in my past, but have you not? I have done things I regret.
Since my miraculous save, it has taught me more about life and how I should live from now on. I have done things that I do not fully respect, I have done things that leave me with heavy burdens of remorse. But as I ponder on the second chance I have received, I realize that I have a new futur to look to. I am excited and ready for what it holds. I will leave my past behind. The past has made me who I am but it does not need to be dwelled upon.
Rest in peace, past.
Welcome, future.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Obituary on the past (multi-genre #2)
The past, rest in peace.
It was born as the present, something living, something amazing. But with an unfortunate turn of events, the past became a burden, it became a horrible heavy regret. The past while it was present, was highly developed. It was a present in which all would like to make its' acquaintance Just like it was called a present, it truly was. Knowing the present in the past form was a gift to all that realized the past that they were viewing.
Everything seemed to align for the present and it had a bold futur set out. Soon, the bold futur took a glimpse of what it had passed in the past and it became a heavy remorse. It was the weight, pain and agony of the remorseful past that made it almost unbearable.
The past contained much of everything we loved. It was all that was meant to be. It loved to be perfect. It loved to be right. But it was only right for so long.
How can something so good end so bad?
The question lingers as today, right here and now, we rest the past in peace. No grave stones or markings will be left to remember it. It was at one time, so good. But as all good things end, the past needed to. It was abrupt and swung off the feet unconsciously. Everything flashed before your eyes as your whole past was remembered in a blink.
In lieu of reminiscing in the past, the present should be highlighted and it should be noted that today a new futur is to begin. A new futur which holds so much more than the past did.
No viewings of the past shall ever be resurfaced again. For the easiest way to grieve is to block out and forget. Now as we celebrate the living of the past; it has made me who I am.
It was born as the present, something living, something amazing. But with an unfortunate turn of events, the past became a burden, it became a horrible heavy regret. The past while it was present, was highly developed. It was a present in which all would like to make its' acquaintance Just like it was called a present, it truly was. Knowing the present in the past form was a gift to all that realized the past that they were viewing.
Everything seemed to align for the present and it had a bold futur set out. Soon, the bold futur took a glimpse of what it had passed in the past and it became a heavy remorse. It was the weight, pain and agony of the remorseful past that made it almost unbearable.
The past contained much of everything we loved. It was all that was meant to be. It loved to be perfect. It loved to be right. But it was only right for so long.
How can something so good end so bad?
The question lingers as today, right here and now, we rest the past in peace. No grave stones or markings will be left to remember it. It was at one time, so good. But as all good things end, the past needed to. It was abrupt and swung off the feet unconsciously. Everything flashed before your eyes as your whole past was remembered in a blink.
In lieu of reminiscing in the past, the present should be highlighted and it should be noted that today a new futur is to begin. A new futur which holds so much more than the past did.
No viewings of the past shall ever be resurfaced again. For the easiest way to grieve is to block out and forget. Now as we celebrate the living of the past; it has made me who I am.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Poems on letting go (multi-genre #1)
I don't live there anymore
Do not live in the past
For that is not a part of you anymore
There is new freedom in the future
There is new hope to live for
Do not live in the past
Turn instead to a new page
No use reminiscing
In what we can not change
Do not live in the past
Everyone makes mistakes
Keep moving through life
Use everything it takes
Do not live in the past
We must move forward with strength
Everything that has happened
Has tested your faith
Do not live in the past
Think of it as a compilation
It has made you who you are
Live with new expectation
I am not living in the past anymore.
I have a newfound goal.
I have changed who I am.
I have something new to live for.
Haiku:
Let go of the past
Never regret or look back
Look towards the future
ABC poem:
All the past consists is stories
Both good and bad
Compiled memories
Deaths and pain
Eagerness and gain
Forgiven burdens
Greater love
How I moved on
I do not know
Just looking forward to what the future holds
Kill me not
Let me forget whats behind
Musts and distrusts
Never ending lies
Oh but don't worry
People do change
Quietly
Rest in peace
Sweet, sweet past
To never and beyond
Under no such circumstance
Valid truths continue
We do not hold the past
Xerotic past
Young, new life
Zazzy future
Cinquain Poem:
Past
Intriguing, repulsing
Made you, you
What's past is past
Forgotten
Do not live in the past
For that is not a part of you anymore
There is new freedom in the future
There is new hope to live for
Do not live in the past
Turn instead to a new page
No use reminiscing
In what we can not change
Do not live in the past
Everyone makes mistakes
Keep moving through life
Use everything it takes
Do not live in the past
We must move forward with strength
Everything that has happened
Has tested your faith
Do not live in the past
Think of it as a compilation
It has made you who you are
Live with new expectation
I am not living in the past anymore.
I have a newfound goal.
I have changed who I am.
I have something new to live for.
Haiku:
Let go of the past
Never regret or look back
Look towards the future
ABC poem:
All the past consists is stories
Both good and bad
Compiled memories
Deaths and pain
Eagerness and gain
Forgiven burdens
Greater love
How I moved on
I do not know
Just looking forward to what the future holds
Kill me not
Let me forget whats behind
Musts and distrusts
Never ending lies
Oh but don't worry
People do change
Quietly
Rest in peace
Sweet, sweet past
To never and beyond
Under no such circumstance
Valid truths continue
We do not hold the past
Xerotic past
Young, new life
Zazzy future
Cinquain Poem:
Past
Intriguing, repulsing
Made you, you
What's past is past
Forgotten
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Stories help us deal with suffering, loss and death
Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picoult, is one of the saddest movies I've ever seen. I saw it with my mom, Megan and her mom, and we were all in tears by the end of the film. Something about this heartbreaking movie just helps me deal with the pain in life. It has helped me realize that everything happens for a reason and that there is a better place where people end up. Whether people believe that or not, I know I do. How could we live out life now; our life full of suffering, competition, hatred, violence and everything else and NOT believe in something better afterwards. There must be something to compensate for our messed up life we are all attempting to live rightfully in at the moment. One line in Sister's Keeper that helped me deal with suffering, loss and death is "It is the things you cannot see coming that are strong enough to kill you". This may be one of the most true lines about loss and death. If we think about it, no one knows when they're going to die or how in the least. The next phrase that has kept me contemplating life is, “Do you know how sometimes - when you are riding your bike and you start skidding across sand, or when you miss a step and start tumbling down the stairs - you have those long, long seconds to know that you are going to be hurt, and badly?” The quote makes you think about all the times in your life where you just know in that moment that you are going to be hurt. I can relate to this as all actions lead to consequences. This line has helped me deal with suffering. Overall, the movie Sister's Keeper has helped me realize the beauty of this life and where we will end up. It's helped me deal with all sort of suffering, loss and death. In the midst of my tears of sadness and grief during this movie, I realized that they're not really sadness at all. In fact, they're tears of joy that I have lived this life and there is something better to look forward to. Though the sadness engulfs us as we realize we've lost a life, the overwhelming happiness takes the reign again as we realize that this will not be the last time we see them.
Stories help us dwell in time
I'm not sure if I will every regret this phase in my life (the phase I am still living right now), but Taylor Swift has been my go-to girl. I listen to her songs any time I'm feeling any kind of emotions. Her songs en capture me and bring me to a different place, a different time. Whether I am happy, excited, sad, nervous or just about any emotion, I know her songs will do my mood justice. In fact, the most played song on my iTunes is You Belong With Me.
I couldn't even begin to list my favorite songs from her, she has far too many. But one line that really sticks out to me in one of her songs, Ours, speaks truth that "Life makes love look hard". The more I think about this quote, the more it makes sense. Life is a crazy, messed up bundle of enjoyment. If we look at life from afar, we realize that love does actually look hard. From that broad spectrum, love is a hard concept and life is thrown in to make it look even more challenging.
Another line that takes me back into time is from most played song, You Belong With Me. This song takes me back to 9th and 10th grade, I was obsessed. The line is
"Dreaming about the day
when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for
has been here the whole time"
These may be the most true phrases about my life ever written. This brings me back to 10th grade (I feel like I'm writing in my diary). I had (or should I say still have?) the biggest crush on this one guy and he just hasn't realized that I am the one for him. What he's looking for has been here the whole time. This song will always be the representation of my high school life.
Taylor Swift, whether I like to admit it or not, will always bring me back to dwell in my high school life. I hear people hate/regret/never want to remember high school in their lives so I am not sure that I will ever want to listen to Taylor when I grow up but she is my truth-speaker for the moment being.
I couldn't even begin to list my favorite songs from her, she has far too many. But one line that really sticks out to me in one of her songs, Ours, speaks truth that "Life makes love look hard". The more I think about this quote, the more it makes sense. Life is a crazy, messed up bundle of enjoyment. If we look at life from afar, we realize that love does actually look hard. From that broad spectrum, love is a hard concept and life is thrown in to make it look even more challenging.
Another line that takes me back into time is from most played song, You Belong With Me. This song takes me back to 9th and 10th grade, I was obsessed. The line is
"Dreaming about the day
when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for
has been here the whole time"
These may be the most true phrases about my life ever written. This brings me back to 10th grade (I feel like I'm writing in my diary). I had (or should I say still have?) the biggest crush on this one guy and he just hasn't realized that I am the one for him. What he's looking for has been here the whole time. This song will always be the representation of my high school life.
Taylor Swift, whether I like to admit it or not, will always bring me back to dwell in my high school life. I hear people hate/regret/never want to remember high school in their lives so I am not sure that I will ever want to listen to Taylor when I grow up but she is my truth-speaker for the moment being.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Stories help up dwell in places
The first thing that comes into my head when I think about home is a poem I wrote when I was in 7th grade. I read this poem to the class earlier this year and it really helps me appreciate my 'home' and where I belong. One of my favorite stanzas in the poem,
"Where am I from?
Am I from the deep-dish pizzas my father cooks to perfection?
Or am I from the lasagnas my mother makes from scratch?
Am I from Signe and Albert and their voyage to Sweden?
Jag er fran they would probably say.
Am I from the many scrapbooks we have that show us every year we were here?
Or the memories hanging on the wall?"
This poem that I wrote helps me appreciate where I live and where I am from. It helps me dwell in the place and glorify it. I am home when I use all these things to describe me.
Another one of my favorite stanzas is the last one,
"I am from home.
Home is Minnesota.
Home is where I am happy.
Homr is when I hear stories of my ancestors.
Home is with my friends at school.
Home is everywhere.
Home is anywhere.
I am home."
When I wrote this poem, I was really trying to capture light of when I feel most comfortable and when I feel at 'home'. I realized that when I am doing anything that makes me happy or reflecting on anything that has made me who I am today, I am home.
This poem that I have written helps me dwell in the place that I call my home and appreciate my heritage and that I have lived with everything in the past to make me who I am.
"Where am I from?
Am I from the deep-dish pizzas my father cooks to perfection?
Or am I from the lasagnas my mother makes from scratch?
Am I from Signe and Albert and their voyage to Sweden?
Jag er fran they would probably say.
Am I from the many scrapbooks we have that show us every year we were here?
Or the memories hanging on the wall?"
This poem that I wrote helps me appreciate where I live and where I am from. It helps me dwell in the place and glorify it. I am home when I use all these things to describe me.
Another one of my favorite stanzas is the last one,
"I am from home.
Home is Minnesota.
Home is where I am happy.
Homr is when I hear stories of my ancestors.
Home is with my friends at school.
Home is everywhere.
Home is anywhere.
I am home."
When I wrote this poem, I was really trying to capture light of when I feel most comfortable and when I feel at 'home'. I realized that when I am doing anything that makes me happy or reflecting on anything that has made me who I am today, I am home.
This poem that I have written helps me dwell in the place that I call my home and appreciate my heritage and that I have lived with everything in the past to make me who I am.
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